Wit and Wisdom
I will be sharing some quips and ruminations from my hyperactive mind. On a host of subjects, they come to me and I share them in various places. I can gather them here so I will have them available. Maybe you will get something out of them and they will spur your thinking and help you grow as a person.
* One of the most vital human skills is the ability to see ourselves as others see us. An objective view of ourselves will allow us deeper insights into the core of our being, so maturity can grow unencumbered by the weaknesses that most people ignore. Once we attain this level, we are comfortable with who we are and can help others around us, with humility & gentleness.
* Too many lack the courage to do deep, fearless introspection. Mediocrity is the inevitable result.
* I should get some hundred dollar bills & pin them to the front of my shirt. Then I”d walk into a room full of women & get mad at all of the women who stared at the money.
* If you sift through the charred wreckage of most divorces, you will find extensive evidence of pride, stubbornness & emotional immaturity scattered around the smoldering ruins.
* A man & his wife fall in a hole. He works tirelessly, doing whatever it takes to get them out. She is wounded so he carries her for miles to get help. Yet, this same adrenaline-fueled strong man will not lift a finger to stop the pain of a failing marriage. Pride is a stupid thing.
* Fathers, if your love for your wife is so strong and open that your daughters are searching for a man who will treat them just as well, you have done a great and noble work.
* Too many people lack the courage of deep, fearless introspection. Without it, mediocrity is our permanent address.
* Self-confidence opens doors and a kind spirit keeps them open.
* Some families need shirts that say, “Warning: We argue in public.” On the back it would say, “We take contributions to counseling fund.”
* Armadillos and Possums aren’t too bright. They heard about the Chicken road crossing question. They’ve been competing ever since to see who can solve the mystery.
* All writers must be avid students of mankind. The greater our skills, the deeper the well we have to pull from.
* The ER waiting room is like jail for sick people.
* I know someone with a Mindspring email address. It comes with a free dinosaur egg.
* I would enjoy Presidential campaign news more if it had a laugh track.
* Checked celebrity news. Nothing’s changed. They broke up, out, in and down. They’re just like us, just more desperate.
* MySpace is the social media version of zombies.
* Dictator Pick-up Lines
- Need or Needle.
- Your head would look better on my shoulder than on a stake.
- You want the gun or the Cannoli?
- Your heart will be in it one way or another.
- I know where your family used to live.
- Bed chamber or torture chamber.
- Me in your heart or your heart on my floor.
- A ring on your finger or one around your neck.
- Marry me or I chop off your head.
20 Very-Little Known Facts about Liechtenstein [No offense intended]
- I was going to walk across Liechtenstein barefoot but they told me to get out of their living room.
- Liechtenstein has a new car. It’s blue.
- I’m standing outside and Liechtenstein won’t let me in to use the restroom. Rude.
- Liechtenstein is on line two. They are inviting themselves over for dinner.
- Liechtenstein was going to have a national beauty pageant but the three women were busy.
- Liechtenstein is the only country that can fit in the backseat of your car.
- I was going to go to Liechtenstein on vacation but my travel agent had never heard of it.
- Liechtenstein would like to borrow a dollar.
- Liechtenstein sleeps with a night light.
- Liechtenstein wanted citizens to say, “I am Liechtenstein” when they travel. But everyone kept asking their first name.
- Liechtenstein was going to put the cart before the horse but couldn’t afford one.
- The #1 hit in Liechtenstein is, “Momma’s don’t let your babies grow up to be cartographers.”
- The #1 best selling book in Liechtenstein is the terrifying novel, “The Cartographer in the Shadows.”
- Liechtenstein is allergic to peanuts. Jimmy Carter called for an embargo but couldn’t find it on the map.
- Liechtenstein moved one degree to the west. Don’t tell anyone.
- Liechtenstein wanted to call all their citizens together for a dance but they didn’t have enough room.
- “Come visit beautiful Liechtenstein! But not all at once.”
- Liechtenstein’s cow is sick. Someone bring milk
- Liechtenstein always has a quorum.
- Liechtenstein is signing off. The dog has to go out.
* Our words and thoughts cannot have true depth without the daily habit of reading something of substance.
* A thirsty mind will never be satisfied. Learn, observe, read and fill your time with useful things and the world will be a happier experience.
* A life of the mind helps us handle a body full of pain.
* Racism is a small mind afraid of a large world.
* Racism from the mouth of a preacher is an abomination. Lead the fight against it, not the flag for it.
* If I could be paid to read what I want, I would be deliriously happy.
* A small child is defenseless against the character of their parents. For many children, that is a terrifying thought because sometimes the early damage doesn’t heal.
* Don’t allow your insecurities to hurt others. They don’t deserve it.
* Only in our imaginations will it ever rain only on our heads. Becoming too wrapped up in ourselves creates an alternate universe of darkness. Chronic pain patients are highly susceptible to this trap.
* Facebook rants without context are like people in the park screaming at voices only they can hear.
* We have things in our past that we need to pass on remembering. Our present mental & emotional health requires that we stay away from selfish people who will callously open old wounds without a second thought for the pain it will cause. Anyone who will use their intimate knowledge against our vulnerabilities is very cruel.
* Some retired people create one artificial crises after another so they can feel they are vibrant and useful. This is silly. Life is difficult enough without manufacturing stress.
* Some people are so obsessed with fixing the world and pointing out everyone’s messes that they never stop to enjoy the life that they have been given. What a shame.
* There is an adage that says, “We can get busy living or we can get busy dying.” In a congregation we can have a variation of that: “We can get busy working or we can get busy blaming.” Let’s all get together & do our part and move forward. The Lord’s work is too important to sit in a rut & gripe.
* Some people seem to spend more time housebreaking their dogs than they do society-proofing their children.